Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
