He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
