The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
