i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
