i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
