you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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