remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
