I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
