I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
