i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
two words: eviction party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize