Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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