I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
