and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
