I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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