I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
