how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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