Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
