What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
