I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
