Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
