i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
