i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize