No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
