chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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