you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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