We need to rekindle our bromance
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
