a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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