Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
