it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
