he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
