Will you blow on my dice?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
