his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
