How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
