I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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