I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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