i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
