Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
