One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
