i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's shark week go big or go home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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