grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
