k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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