I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize