I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
