Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
