I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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