She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
