Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
