Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
