i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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