are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
