Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
