this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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