i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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