take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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