my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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