I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
