I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
smell my finger.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
