he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
