MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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