I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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