You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
