woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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