david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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