Already got asked if we're dating
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
