Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
