I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
