she smelled like a LAN party
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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