i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
