i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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