Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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