Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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