and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
