While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize