Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
