I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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