The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
