I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
