You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
