Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
