did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
