I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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